Beyond
“Daddy, daddy what is beyond the wall?”
“Beyond the wall my son is freedom.”
“Daddy what is freedom?”
“Freedom my son is a state of mind.”
“Where are we now, where are we now?”
“Twenty thousand people Cross Bösebrücke Fingers are crossed Just in case”
I was one of those 20,000. Yes we really did have our fingers crossed, still fearful that we would be shot for walking across a piece of land. The bullets never came and bit by bit I came to understand just what the word Freedom meant.
Today I can stroll through the Brandenburg Gate to the Tiergarten and meet my Sofia. Sofia from the East. Not the east of this once divided City, but the real East. As usual we stroll hand in hand to Ka de We. It’s a long walk but we both appreciate the freedom of being able to walk exactly where we want, when we want.
At the Ka de We we take the lift to the top floor and sit and talk over chocolate cake and beer, both of us enjoying something we feared would never be possible.
We share our stories in a language that once would have been foreign to us – English. I learnt it as a child, Sofia at a rather later age when she emigrated from her own country. She now speaks German well but it seems sensible to talk in the language of liberation, the language of freedom.
Sofia takes a sip of her beer. In another time, in another place we might have been lovers. But our love for each other will always be platonic. Our love for each other is deeper and more emotional than any physical love could ever be.
I could never imagine making love to a woman. I have never wanted to make love to a woman. Sofia has never wanted to make love to a man. But our friendship has endured because we have so many experiences in common.
Sofia clears a place on the table.
“Gerhard do you ever dream? Do you ever dream about your past?”
I nod. I do think and dream about the tumultuous history of this City that was once reduced to little more than a pile of rubble in the voice of freedom. Now the city has been and is being gloriously re-built.
“Yes I do,” is my simple reply
“Do you ever think about your years of growing up in Lithuania,” I reply.
“Yes,” she replies “It was hard being part of the USSR, but then we got our freedom, but it’s a freedom I am never sure will last. I decided at a young age to make my life abroad. Berlin seemed to be a city of possibilities. That has always seemed to be the case.
“There still seems to be something contradictory about being openly gay in a city where once we would have been in serious danger.”
Sofia moves the cake and beer further out of the way. She needs space when she expresses her views.
“Gerhard do you ever wish you could go back in a time when you were truly happy?”
“What like in the film Groundhog Day,” I reply.
“Kind of except that was just make belief. I mean would you like to go back to a time and place of your own choosing. A time when you were at your happiest. I guess that for you it might be the day you crossed the wall and walked into West Germany and then met Walter for the first time. You know we could do it here and now. All we need to do is shut our eyes and imagine that special time.”
So I closed my eyes and through the mists of time I heard two distinct voices:
“Daddy what is freedom?”
“Freedom my son is a state of mind.”
“Daddy, daddy what is beyond the wall?”
“Beyond the wall my son is freedom.”
“Daddy what is freedom?”
“Freedom my son is a state of mind.”
- * *
“Where are we now, where are we now?”
“Twenty thousand people Cross Bösebrücke Fingers are crossed Just in case”
I was one of those 20,000. Yes we really did have our fingers crossed, still fearful that we would be shot for walking across a piece of land. The bullets never came and bit by bit I came to understand just what the word Freedom meant.
Today I can stroll through the Brandenburg Gate to the Tiergarten and meet my Sofia. Sofia from the East. Not the east of this once divided City, but the real East. As usual we stroll hand in hand to Ka de We. It’s a long walk but we both appreciate the freedom of being able to walk exactly where we want, when we want.
At the Ka de We we take the lift to the top floor and sit and talk over chocolate cake and beer, both of us enjoying something we feared would never be possible.
We share our stories in a language that once would have been foreign to us – English. I learnt it as a child, Sofia at a rather later age when she emigrated from her own country. She now speaks German well but it seems sensible to talk in the language of liberation, the language of freedom.
Sofia takes a sip of her beer. In another time, in another place we might have been lovers. But our love for each other will always be platonic. Our love for each other is deeper and more emotional than any physical love could ever be.
I could never imagine making love to a woman. I have never wanted to make love to a woman. Sofia has never wanted to make love to a man. But our friendship has endured because we have so many experiences in common.
Sofia clears a place on the table.
“Gerhard do you ever dream? Do you ever dream about your past?”
I nod. I do think and dream about the tumultuous history of this City that was once reduced to little more than a pile of rubble in the voice of freedom. Now the city has been and is being gloriously re-built.
“Yes I do,” is my simple reply
“Do you ever think about your years of growing up in Lithuania,” I reply.
“Yes,” she replies “It was hard being part of the USSR, but then we got our freedom, but it’s a freedom I am never sure will last. I decided at a young age to make my life abroad. Berlin seemed to be a city of possibilities. That has always seemed to be the case.
“There still seems to be something contradictory about being openly gay in a city where once we would have been in serious danger.”
Sofia moves the cake and beer further out of the way. She needs space when she expresses her views.
“Gerhard do you ever wish you could go back in a time when you were truly happy?”
“What like in the film Groundhog Day,” I reply.
“Kind of except that was just make belief. I mean would you like to go back to a time and place of your own choosing. A time when you were at your happiest. I guess that for you it might be the day you crossed the wall and walked into West Germany and then met Walter for the first time. You know we could do it here and now. All we need to do is shut our eyes and imagine that special time.”
So I closed my eyes and through the mists of time I heard two distinct voices:
“Daddy what is freedom?”
“Freedom my son is a state of mind.”